In the latest chapter of “Breaking Busy” by Alli Worthington, she talks all about communication and how we are either over-communicators, under-communicators, or in between. I don’t know about you but I wish I was in between and after reading this chapter and reflecting I realize I am…dun dun dun…an OVER-COMMUNICATOR. I’ve never really thought about being more busy because of how I chose to communicate both in my personal life and professional.
I chuckle as I write this because JUST today I was presented with an opportunity in which the majority (not all) could of been avoided had I just picked up the phone. I’m guilty guys, I just want to email and text and not do things face to face or God forbid pick up that phone and speak (who even does that anymore right?). Maybe because I am a millennial or maybe because technology has crept into our lives so much that instead of making us social its made us less social. Regardless, there are right ways to communicate and wrong and the way you choose to do it will either help you or hurt you.
Alli goes on to explain why we as individuals may or may not be great communicators and here are a couple reasons to keep in mind when communicating with others and how they communicate with you.
- We grew up with poor communication patterns.
I strongly believe we are a product of our enivonrments and sometimes we cannot help but carry forward through that guise. This is why it is so important to examine ourselves and figure out why we do things the way we do. This helps us not only understand ourselves better but why or why not others may understand us as well.
2. We think that the other person should be able to read our minds.
“Earth to whomever doesn’t get me…why don’t they understand I want something done or I feel this way?” The false assumption that we are automatically understood causes us more hurt than help. Open your mouth (in love), and speak. THEN if they don’t respond it’s not that they can’t read your mind…it’s that they don’t agree or something else is going on.
3. We think “venting” is healthy communication.
This is a BIG one. Have you ever wondered why your girlfriends don’t like your boyfriend or your husband? Think about how many times you’ve had conversations to vent about him with those women and how many times you’ve bragged about how great of a mate he was? We are conditioned as humans to judge based on how we see things. If we are only seeing more negative about someone, than we will naturally think less of that person. Be mindful when venting and make sure you are doing it in a trusted environment. Professionally NEVER do it amongst coworkers, this will not ever come out good or edifying to the person it is about and how would you feel if the table was turned? Chances are, you are going to get over it and then that person is tarnished in the eyes of the ones you had to “vent” to. Be careful about gossip and venting..words can never be taken back so use wisdom.
The bottom line is you cannot control anyones actions but your own and anyones communication but your own. Do the best YOU can and chose to have people in your life who also chose to communicate well or at least be willing to work on it. This is another way to break busy. Less communication issues, more time to not address them and be productive.